Authored by Jimmie Burroughs

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The last song that Elvis Presley sang publicly on stage, in June of 1977, was “Are you Lonesome tonight”. Elvis was nervous when he introduced his very last song, and he said this about loneliness, “I am and I was”. He was one of the most sought after folks in the world. Thousands would have given anything to spend time with him, yet before thousands live and millions on telly he claimed, I’ve been lonely and I’m lonesome.

It is Estimated that 49% of the people live alone and that may be a near all time record; is this the cause for so much loneliness in today’s world? Not necessarily since loneliness isn’t caused simply by being alone as proven in the case of Elvis Presley. Some very lonely folks are married with family, or are surrounded by people daily. So , what is the deal with loneliness anyway? Well, that’s the point of this article, to find out what loneliness is; what causes it, and how you can beat it.

Everyone at times experiences loneliness. Ironically it is more frequent around major vacations like Yuletide and Valentine’s Day. The sensation of loneliness isn’t a common subject of conversation; many don’t see why it happens, or how to deal with it when it does happen.

Hence what is loneliness? Several words describe it: A displeasing feeling, quietude, emptiness, and feeling of isolation, depression, and painfulness. First of all, loneliness is a subjective feeling, actually an emotional drive. The technical definition of loneliness is: “A mental mechanism intended to alert an individual to isolation and motivate him/her to seek social connections.” [1] That definition is the key to understanding loneliness as well as how to deal with it as we are going to see as we continue.

An old saying announces, “No man is an island”; man wasn’t planned to be alone, and it’s obvious that he does better by associating with others. At the start, when God created the 1st man, Adam, he saw it was not good for man to be alone, so he made Eve as a helpmate. Having somebody is of serious help in coping with loneliness, but sometimes far more is needed. Studying how to cope with loneliness is of grave importance because loneliness has some major results if not handled.

As you see below, loneliness has a wide range of negative and damaging effects to both physical and mental fitness. Here are some of the health dangers that have been connected to it:

• Depression and suicide
• Increased levels of stress
• Heart disease & stroke
• Antisocial
• Memory loss and learning
• Poor decisions
• Abuse of drugs and alcohol
• Reduced brain function
• More inclined to Alzheimer’s disease

Some of the marks of a person dealing with loneliness are: fear, hate, poor listening skills, lack of information, impatience, depending too much on others, self-interest, and overwhelmed. It can be noted that factors behind loneliness vary seriously. A child is influenced differently than an older person. The older person could be struggling with having lost their mate and may be having trouble just getting on with their life. The kid might be a victim of bullying or has difficulty making chums at school.

It is fascinating to note the traits noted above concerning a person experiencing loneliness are also some of similar things that private development addresses. Handling those things which cause loneliness is just one of the benefits of private development. Personal development enables an individual to address and adapt to all the issues of life including loneliness.

John Cacioppo, a College of Chicago psychological therapist and one of the top loneliness experts, asserts, “Loneliness is strongly attached to genetics [sometimes runs in a family]. Other contributory elements include situational variables, for example physical isolation, moving to a new location and divorce. The demise of somebody significant in somebody’s life can also lead directly to feelings of loneliness. Loneliness can also be a symptom of a mental disorder such as depression.”

It is important to notice that the emotion of loneliness is a God given drive; like other drives it is intended to help man when used In the right way. Remember the dictionary definition of loneliness given above: “A mental mechanism intended to alert an individual to isolation and inspire him/her to find social connections.” Notice how we will use the same definition to define other drives. For instance, the hunger drive: “A psychological mechanism intended to alert an individual to a requirement for nutrition and motivate him/her to find food.” I am hoping you are starting to get the image of how drives have an intended purpose. The means of dealing with the loneliness drive is best comprehended when loneliness itself is accepted.

There are lots of drives like the hunger drive, the sex drive, the anger drive and the fear drive, to name a few; all of which have their own way of being satisfied or coped with. For example, the sex drive is given for a married couple to feel and experience extraordinary pleasure and the nearest intimacy; when the sex drive is misused as in the case of fornication, infidelity, premarital sex or extra marital sex, it can be very harmful and damaging, both emotionally and physically, and even life threatening. The same is true with loneliness.

It may be hard to understand that loneliness is designed to be something positive, but when used right it is. Loneliness is intended to warn and to incentivize a person that social interaction is required. Older autos had a red caution oil light on the dash and when it flashed on, you knew you needed to add oil to keep from damaging the engine. It’s correct also when we are warned by the loneliness drive that we are low on human interaction and need to add some to avoid damaging our mind and body. A straightforward way of saying it might be that when we are lonesome, that’s an indication that change is needed.

If your hunger drive starts sending you a message in the form of hunger pains, how you cope with it is by finding some food and eating (I do not believe I want to elaborate on the way in which the hunger drive can be misused). Eating doesn’t mean the hunger drive is forever satisfied because in one or two hours you are going to get the same message again. Loneliness works similar, though, thank goodness, not as often. When you receive a message from the loneliness drive, you handle it by making some changes in way of life. Like the hunger drive, it will not forever solve it, and later you’ll have to cope again. Learning ways to cope with loneliness is the secret.

Things worth doing to cope with loneliness:

Join a group or go where others are: Recently I started to feel a bit of loneliness; I live alone and spend a lot of hours working alone on my computer. I realized that I was spending way too much time by myself, not seeing enough folk and talking and socializing. Therefore , I joined a Bible study at church and began going more places where people are and making it a point to chat with them.

Since I currently live by the sea, and there are usually folks on the pier, or on the beach, it is straightforward to meet and talk with folk. I have talked with some fascinating people recently from all over the world who are here holidaying.

Just yesterday I met Josh who had stopped off here for some time on his way ultimately to New York City. He had come this far by kayak, paddling all the way from Cincinnati, Ohio. He was headed next to Key West, Florida.

Volunteer for something that you believe in: My better half died about 7 years ago. It is a very complicated time for me and I was very lonely and totally alone in a big house. I had a business at the time, and I noticed that what I needed was a completely new way of life. I went about it slowly as should be the case after losing a mate; it took nearly 2 years to complete. By the end of those 2 years I had bought a motor home, turned my home over to my daughter and her family to live in, and joined a body that did volunteer mission work. Within the next 3 years I traveled in 37 states, met plenty of new folk, made a lot of new buddies and helped lots of people. It saved me from my loneliness and commenced an exciting new way of life.

Build new relationships and fortify old ones: The support from good chums is sort of a medicine for loneliness. There are a large amount of places to make new friends: Church is a superb place and online is another, but you must be careful online because you never can tell what type of person you may be talking with. You might want to try Anxiety Management Forum online to start with, where you’ll be able to find others who are also dealing with similar issues, but always be careful and don’t give out any private information, particularly your house address, fone number, deposit account numbers or Social Security numbers and so on.

Get yourself a pet; I say better a dog: I have both a dog and a pussy-cat. The cat is an outside pet while my dog is and inside pet. It looks as if I am being a little private here and maybe I am since I have had to cope with some extreme loneliness myself. Actually my dog came in a roundabout way. My wife always wanted a West Highland Terrier. It was not till she got sick that we ultimately agreed to get one. Sadly, she only lived about 10 months and I inherited the small dog. His name is McDuffie and he has truly been a life saver to me.

It has been declared that dogs are the single thing that loves another more than themselves. I don't necessarily agree that they are the only thing, but I know it's true of McDuff. He truly loves me and wants to always be with me. He has many more than earned his keep by being a true companion.

Conclusion:

There is no 100% treatment for loneliness. Since it's an emotion and not an illness, it just requires the correct action. And occasionally you may have to be taught how to live with a little loneliness when it looks dour and won't depart. I do but I still go about the more important business in my life. The truth of the situation is I don't believe you ever get utterly past losing someone that is such a part of your life as a loving mate. loneliness and physical health always remain a lonely place in your heart for them, but that hasn’t got to take control of your life. There are too many exciting things yet to come. There’s too much to be done, and too much to be accomplished to be obstructed by loneliness. It also needs to be noted that professional help is sometimes needed to overcome some emotional problems.

[1] Wikipedia Definition for loneliness.

About the author: Jimmie Burroughs is an inspiring speaker and author who has been concerned in teaching Christian Personal Development for at least 30 years. He’s a dedicated believer in Jesus Christ, and considers helping others to become their very best thru individual growth is his primary focus in life. His website contains over 600 articles on preparing yourself for success through personal development and the things which go with private development. His writing centers on the truth instead of fluff that just teases the ears.